Typical english weather, and every bit the reflection of my mood. I sincerely hate being this fat! It seems that no matter what weight I get to, I always look like a fucking hippo! And now that I'm so close to my newly established HW, naturally I feel more disgusted than ever before! I didn't even manage to do my ballet conditioning yesterday, so there's no comfort in my slow progress. I don't care how low I go now, I'm now even going to depend so much on the scales as I will my actual physique. I want to be long, lean, slim, slender, bony, perfect. A model dancer, a perfect student, and the best girlfriend Toby will ever dream of having. He's so good to me, it's only fair that I make it worth his efforts! Needless to say his ex girlfriend with the stunning, firm, toned dancers body was something he adored! And there is no way I'm going to be second best to her!!!
So, so far today, I've had a stomach busting bowl of cornflakes - about 200 cals I'd say... My mum made it for me, so naturally I'm going to estimate a high amount... Who knows what she hid in there!! That leaves me with 400 for the rest of the day... It seems so much yet so little! I think in terms of this modified, strethced out ABC, I'm just going to use the allowances as a guideling - never EVER go over my limit, because that's just unacceptable, but I'm going to strive to eat as little as possible every single day.
The quicker I drop this weight, and flabby body the better! By the latest, I want to be perfect - or as close as possible - by my birthday - the 15th May. I'll be 19, and there's no way I'm entering a new age without my new, desirable body!! 105lbs is the biggest I'll allow myself to be - that's PLENTY of time to drop the weight - currently 33 lbs to go. So there's no excuses as to not being at that weight! Even with the muscle I will have built from doing ballet - hence the longer time period for which to hit my goal.
Riiiightttt, that was a rather long post, and I'm about to get off the train, so I'll update later :) xx
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